By the way...

I am back on the workout train this week...today was my 3rd day in a row of working out. Only one word can explain how it is going "OUCH!" It can only get better....

Memorialized forever...

I am going backwards in my blogging this week, but since I haven't blogged in I don't know how long, I think it will be okay. This just couldn't go without recognition...

Usually I dread Mondays, not so much because of work but because usually all of my good intentions of cleaning house, doing laundry, grocery shopping and getting organized for the week to come were pushed aside after recieving a phone call from a friend with a more inviting offer. "It will still be there when I get back" I say to myself. And so it is and I am left starting the week out with a messy house, overflowing laudry baskets, an empty fridge and a disorganized mess sprawled out all over my bedroom.

This Monday was no different, except when I arrived at work, I was greeted by the other half of my brain, aka my sister from another, aka Sue Sue. I noted that there was a bit of a Cheshire Cat grin on her face but just assumed that she had some great story to tell me from her weekend adventures and didn't question it. However, when she asked me to sit down I got a bit worried, knowing that there couldn't be a "15" I flood of concern went through me, but she assured me nothing bad was about to happen. She turned to her computer and opened this up.......



Without warning the flood gates open and the tears flowed....My 4 legged princess memorialized forever in watercolor. What an awesome gift that I will forever cherish...just like her friendship. I am truly a blessed women. Love you Sue-Sue.

The Next Book is about to begin....

Seems like only yesterday I was laying in a hospital bed praying to God not to let me die as I just knew there was no possible way something called "natural child birth" could hurt this much. I was going to die, I knew it, but, I didn't, and this beautiful baby girl was born and my life was never the same again..I would never be the same again. Trust me this was a good thing. This tiny little miracle, I know you was sent straight from heaven to give me a much needed reality check... Everything happens for a reason and this angel that had been handed to me set my life back on track and gave me the strength and drive to do anything. Nothing could stop me for she deserved the best in life and I was going to make sure she had it. And so the Book of life as Tiffany the mother began...

Somewhere around Chapter 5 Brandi started kindgarten...no biggy, she going to school, what's the big deal, I could handle it. Hopefully she didn't see me peaking in the windows of the classroom with my box of Kleenex crying my eyes out. My angel baby was growing up...

The years went by in leaps and bounds and the pages turned faster and faster...the next thing I knew I had a teenager...not just any teenager...a teenage "mini me", head strong, determined free spirit, with a mind of her own that no one I mean no one could tell what to do. She knew it all. About that time my angel baby transformed into something I had seen in the Exorcist. I was pretty sure one of us was not going to make it through these years and the odds were definitely stacked against me. But, like many before me and many to come I survived these rough teenage years and out of the fires grew this beautiful young woman.

Chapter 17 was coming to an end and the next thing I knew she was graduating high school. How could this be happening? Yes, again, just like in kindergarten, (and many times in between I may add) I cried. My baby was not growing up, she had grown up and was now an adult, by legal standards at least, I have my own opinion on that.

On to the next Chapter she went....Cosmetology school.

That brings us to present time...today she told me she is graduating on September 13th and on September 29th she is taking her state board and soon after that and when I say soon I mean weeks, she is moving San Diego to start her own book, The Life of Brandi Howe.

One book ends and another begins....and...once again...I am crying.....I love you my angel baby. Thank you for all you have done for me, I hope I have given you the tools you will need to survive this crazy world we live in. Most importantly, I hope you will look back on your life with a smile and warm heart knowing how loved you are and how proud I am of you.

Spread your wings and fly.....

How can you argue...

My brother just shared with me a conversation he recently had with my 10 year old nephew that I thought I would share. Seems Blake (my nephew) is a bit of a slob, leaves stuff laying around everywhere, wears a good majority of his food, doesn't take care of his stuff, the regular 10 year old boy stuff. Anyhow, my bro was explaining to him how he needs to change his ways if he ever wanted to have a releationship with someone. No one wants to live with a pig. Without hesitation Blake spouts out "Even pigs mate".....where do you go from there?

Television sure has come a long way....can we go back?

After grocery shopping, Jazzercise, cooking dinner, and packing the trailer for our weekend away, I sit down to relax for a minute and decide to turn on the T.V. and flip through the channels. Starting at channel 2, some ridciulous people who think they can dance...NOT, 4 a show that looks like it may have something to do with the military, 5 Criminal Minds, not a bad show about FBI investigators, but I have seen this one, on to 7, I am stuck, I am watching an obvious gay man sitting with an asian baby on his lap while louging outside on a chaise, up walks another gay gentleman who I came to realize was his boyfriend/girlfriend since they were massaging each others legs. I wanted to change the channel but I was mezzerise...In the next 10 minutes, I was introduced to the following scenario's, a teenage girl who went out and got drunk and was puking in her hotel bathroom, and older gentleman who was having relations with a women that could have been his child and lastly the gay couple lost their asian baby in the elevator....so I ask....What happened to the Partridge Family, The Brady Bunch, Leave it to Beaver and who decides to put this, excuse me, CRAP on television? I don't get it, no wonder our world is so screwed up :0(

Glass Houses and Mirrors

As I get older and hopefully wiser, I realize that I spend alot more time looking in the proverbial "mirror". Admittedly I have "thrown stones", alot of stones in the past, but I am here tonight to say "I am going to do my best not to anymore".

The other day I was witness to a conversation that deeply disturbed and yes saddened me. A women was speaking of her step child and was saying how her step daughter was getting fatter and fatter everytime she saw her, looking more and more like her mother. The first problem I had with this is that she herself could stand to lose 50 if not more pounds, how can she comment on someone elses weight. The huger (is that a word) issue I had was that 3 days earlier I heard her reading off a shopping list to her other half telling him what to buy for the kids to eat for the next few days that they would be spending with them. The list went like this soda, juice, Hot Pockets, Lunchables, cereal & bag snacks. Hmmm.....what is wrong with this picture??? Veggies, fruits, healthy snacks, water???? Why am I not hearing these words?? You are judging this child yet you are contributing factor to her road to a Biggest Loser contestant. How dare you? ....look in the mirror...you have no room to talk and until you are taking care of your own "weight issues" and helping that child on a road to eating healthy and and making healthy choices...you need to shut the bleepity bleep up!

It's so easy to judge other people, but unless our "houses" are spotless I suggest we "look in that mirror"...and look in it often...I know I will be.

To all those people whom I threw stones...I am truly sorry, I will be taking extreme care of my glass house in the future.

On a side note...Koli you are the Biggest Loser...CONGRATS my fellow Rohnert Parkian.

I vote to do away with the word "don't"....

Why is it when someone tells you "don't" do something you have this overwhelming desire to do it 100 times over even if you have never done it before.

Don't look in the closet, your presents are in there. REALLY, now all I can think about is looking in the closet.

Don't use the toliet it's broken. Are you kidding me, did you have to mention it, I would have been fine if I didn't know, but now my tonsils are instantly floating and I feel like my bladder is going to explode.

Your cholesterol is high so "don't" eat fried fatty foods....Where's the closest In-n-Out burger? I need a double cheeseburger animal style with a french fries and a chocolate shake.

Don't scratch that mosquito bite, you'll make it worse...gee thanks for that it didn't itch until you said it and now I want to scratch my arm off.

Don't be late. Well I hadn't planned on it but now that you felt the need to poison my mind with your "don't-ease" I think I just might have to make you suffer, 5...10...or maybe even 15 minutes.

There are so many more....

Just to give you a little background to this rant, last Monday in my exercise class I pulled something in my calf, at least that is what I thought. I've gone about life this last week, in pain, surprised every day by the new colors that our appearing not only on my calf but my ankle,foot and entire leg below the knee. (I've included a pic so you can see the beauty of it...lol...trust me the pic does not do it justice)

Unfortunately, it wasn't getting better in what I thought was an acceptable time frame so at a friends recommendation I went to a chiropractor who specializes in sports injuries. Much to my dismay I found out that what I thought was a pulled muscle was actually a tear...No bueno....after 45 minutes of "therapy" she tells me, "Whatever you do DON'T stretch the muscle" Easy for you to say lady, I would like all of you to try to go about your every day not stretching your calf muscle. It is in no uncertain terms impossible. Just about every move you make somehow stretches tht muscle. I will do my best but just know I won't be successful. If only you didn't use that word?

So....all that said, my proposal is to do a way with the word "don't". Suggestions welcome.....

Just how many versions of the English language are there?

Growing up you were always told you spoke English. As you got older when you were answering questionnaires and they asked you preferred language, without question you checked English. As I have gotten older I have begun to question this. Is there really ONE language that we all speak called English or are there various dialects within our language? I haven’t led a totally sheltered life; I know there have been talks of this so called, what I am assuming is an English dialect called “Ebonics”, but in my small circle of life I never gave any thought to anything else until I became a mother, a wife, a girlfriend and a boss. Now I have found myself wondering just how many “versions” of the English language are there really?

All of you reading this right now are probably thinking I am losing my mind, which I might just be doing that if I haven’t already, I do have a teenager you know. Anywho, let me defend my thought process:

I will start with Tiffany the parent:

I call my daughter and ask her when will you be home? And she responds I am on my way…to me that means I am in my car driving home as we speak. Au contrair mon frair, to a teenager this means the end result is I will be home. Whether it be 5 minutes or 5 hours, I am on my way. It could quite possibly be the next day. Here’s another example, my daughter calls and says “I am around the corner” well my pea brain thinks a block or two away, well like I said before, in English this time, to a teenager this means there is a corner somewhere not necessary the one around our home. Do you get where I am going with this? Another example, your son or daughter asks “Mom I am going to this party, can I please have some money to buy a new outfit” reasonable request? One would think. In the back of my mind, I am thinking $30-$50 for a girl, so you give them a $100 bill or a credit card and give the shopping wisely speech, its all good. Then you get the bill…shopping wisely for who? The Kardashians. For what my daughter thinks is a deal for one pair of jeans, I could buy 2 maybe even 3 outfits. Where did this come from? I never spent like this.

So my advice to future teenage victims…Don’t stop asking questions and make sure you set limits that they understand CAN NOT be broken. I ask “when will you be home” and they say “ I am on my way home”, you say “that’s all fine and dandy but how long til you arrive at our door and give me a hug”; when they say “I am around the corner, you ask “which corner?” I have come to understand that there are A LOT of corners in a teenage mind. Make sure to add the question of when you get around that corner will you be arriving at our home or someone elses? DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS….as much as we love our teenagers they are the masters of manipulation. I am pretty sure if there was an Olympic event for the best manipulators, my daughter would be a quadruple gold medal winner. The sad part is as angry as you get somehow they always end up being right, or at least not wrong, because you didn’t ask enough questions. i.e. my first example when you confront them and say “ I thought you said you were on your way home?” Their response without hesitation will be “I was”. You just lost, because to them if you talk to them at ten in the morning and they say they are on the way home and arrive at ten that night, what’s the problem? All day long in their teenage minds they were in fact “on their way home”. Good luck arguing that one in a court of law, especially in California, I am pretty sure they would win.


Moving right along, as a former wife and current girlfriend, I have come to the hard realization the “men” in itself is an English dialect that women will NEVER understand. To give “them” the benefit of the doubt I will say they will most likely never understand the “women” dialect, however, that is only because they have mastered the art of something called “ignoring” and I don’t care how hard one tries, if someone is ignoring you they are not going to understand you.

Given the fact that I am pretty sure 99.9% of the people reading this are women I am pretty confident that you are all laughing and that I do not need to explain this. However, on the off chance that some MAN stubbles across this blog and actually reads it , let me explain; When we “women” say “dinner is at 6:00” we mean dinner is at precisely that at 6:00. There are no hidden messages, 6:00 is what it is. So if you need a half hour- before dinner to “chill” or whatever you want to call it, don’t show up at 6:00 and be ticked off because you are being rushed to dinner. You knew the schedule…I was, I thought, speaking English…..

64qaaaahy…(this was Darla’s input, she just walked across my keyboard) I am pretty sure her moment of “dog” language on my laptop could be easier understood than any other of these dialects that I speak of.

So now we arrive at Tiffany “the Boss”. Sounds pretty high falootin powerful huh? One would think you would be kinda like EF Hutton, when you spoke everyone listened. Not so much. Apparently from what I can tell “boss” is another English dialect that is completely beyond translation from the “boss” perspective. I recently had an experience whereas at 9:00 in the morning I very specifically asked an employee to do something TODAY, 4 hours later they emailed me asking if they were supposed to start this tomorrow? Are you kidding me? Really? I have looked in the Websters Dictionary and every other dictionary I could find, and as far as I can tell there is no definition of today that can be translated as tomorrow. Today is today, if it be 1:00 am or 12:59 pm on March 5th, it is today and if I want it done today, I want it done within those time perimeters, not tomorrow!! Work with me people….

With much apology, I bid you all ado, this was most definitely a rant out of major frustration of the weeks, lifes events. I hope however, most of you can relate. Thank you for listening. I feel much better.

Tootles, until next time...

Off to a good start...

So far this week I am doing good. I have met my workout goals and have been doing pretty good about eating right. Monday morning I hit the gym with a vengence. A little cardio, alot of weight lifting. Needless to say Tuesday morning I was feeling the results with every movement.

Tuesday was a hectic day. Work was out of control. All day long I tried tirelessly to make up a really good excuse that could talk myself our of Jazzercise that night without feeling like a failure. Luckily I failed and off to Jazzercise I went. So glad I did. Had a great workout and felt great.

I was determined to cook a good healthy meal regardless of the time constraints I was under with Jazzercise ending at 6:45 so I did the prep work before I left and whipped up this yummy healthy meal in 15 minutes when I got home. It's definitely one to share.



Lemony Shrimp with White Beans and Couscous

Ingredients
1 (10-ounce) box couscous (1 1/2 cups)
1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt, divided
4 teaspoons unsalted butter, divided
2 garlic cloves, chopped
4 scallions, chopped
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 (15.5-ounce) can cannellini beans, rinsed
1/2 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Preparation
1. Bring 2 cups water to a boil in a pan. Add couscous and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Remove from heat; cover and let stand 5 minutes. Fluff with a fork.

2. Heat 2 teaspoons butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add garlic and scallions; cook 30 seconds. Add shrimp, and cook, stirring, 3 minutes or until they begin to turn pink.

3. Stir in beans, parsley, lemon juice, remaining butter, remaining 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Cook 2–3 minutes or until heated through. Serve with the couscous

Compliments of Health Magazine

Enoy!

Can I have a do-over?

Do you ever get to the end of your weekend and wish you could have a “do-over”?
I had such great intentions, Jazzercise Saturday morning, chores around the house, nice home cooked meal for Sean and Cooper, yoga on Sunday morning and the Moscow Circus on Sunday afternoon. I managed to accomplish the last item on the list.

Saturday morning Jazzercise got beat out by Friday night poker the drifted into the wee hours of Saturday morning. Chores? Well, I just didn’t feel like it, not like they are going anywhere. As for the home cooked meal….I cooked it at home. Bockwurst and sauerkraut, what can I say I had a craving.

On to Sunday yoga. EVERY morning, without fail I wake up by 6:00, 7:00 at the latest so why set an alarm clock? Yoga’s at 8:30, I’ll wake up in plenty of time. Think you know where I am going with this. Yep that’s right the eyes opened at 8:15. So much for that. Guess it wasn’t meant to be.

The weekend success story was a trip to Yountville with my son to see the Moscow Circus. An afternoon of acrobatics, juggling, clowns and trapeze acts. All of which were nothing short of amazing. How do they do that? and how many times to they fall on their heads before they get it right? As I sat there surrounded by children and senior citizens watching the couple on the trapeze bending in ways that shouldn’t be possible, my mind couldn’t help but think….they must have one heck of an interesting sex life. Think about it, the normal “sex life” or should I say normal to me, holds a few select positions of fun, theirs? Oh my, the possibilities are endless.

The day ended with a dinner at the Red Hen in Napa. If you have never been there I highly recommend it. Some of the best Mexican food I have ever had.

Needless to say my quest to get in shape took a sabbatical this weekend….tomorrow’s another day.

I will “never stop trying”….tootles

Farewell Stay Puff Marshmallow Man...

The other day I wrote about my never ending quest to get in shape and how it led me the gates of hell, sneakily disguised as a yoga studio. Well today I found the yellow brick road that is going to lead me on my path to my goal and put this Stay Puff Marshmallow Man body of mine back in the bag where it belongs.

After our brush with death on Tuesday, my workout buddy and I decided to try a different path and ventured into the world of music and dance and took a Jazzercise class. The skies opened up, the harps played; I had found the Holy Grail. As we shimmied, shook and danced our way to a sweat we glanced at each other knowingly; this was it and without a thought our arms rose and slapped a high five. YES, we were on our way.

When the class was over I knew I had unequivocally worked out every part of my body and felt great about it. Tomorrow I have a feeling I am going to be moaning and groaning with every move, but tonite I will savor the moment.

No words needed to be spoken between me and my workout buddy; we looked at each other and just knew. The wallet a came out, the commitment was made and Jazzercise it is.

Extra bonus: My girlfriend who I had lost touch with teaches the class three days a week so not only do I get a good workout I get to see her too…that my friends is MONEY as Guy Fieri would say.

It was a good day. Until next time…..

Does hanging a medical license on your wall mean you know your patients?

I have never been the sympathetic mother when it comes to my kids illnesses. Pretty much if you can walk, talk long enough to tell me you are sick and can't go to school, you can go to school. I need some real symptoms fever, major regurgetation, green goop pouring from somewhere, big signs not just an upset stomach or sniffel. Ain't going to fly with me....

My son has been complaining for about the last week that he feels dizzy and nauseous, so being true to form I say can you walk, he says yes and I say get on your bike and get to school. As a side note I just want to add that he is notorius for faking illness to get out of school. So anyways, today he was moaning and groaning the same complaint and was doing a really good job with the puppy dog I feel like poo poo look and asking if I could make an appointment for him to see the doctor. Needless to say he won the battle as I needed to get to work. My departing words to him "you better hope the doctor finds something wrong with you or I am leaving you there" and on with my day I went.

My thought was to make an appointment for him on Friday when his Dad was off so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I know that sounds terrible but in his 14½ years of life his Dad has NEVER I repeat NEVER taken him to the doctor so I felt it was time. So I call Kaiser to make an appointment and of course "due to the symptoms" I have to speak to the advice nurse. After being on hold through two of her coffee breaks I finally get to speak to her. I again I go thru the symptoms, she asks me some questions, I say I don't know and she says we should probably see him and tells me they have an appt this afternoon. Well that wasn't my plan so I say do you have anything on Friday? Could of heard a pin drop....total silence...is anyone there? "I don't think this should wait til Friday it could be serious" really? he's breathing? I explained to her the boy who cried wolf story but in the end she guilted me into taking the appt. In the back of my head an appendisitis story was haunting me....somewhere out there I have a friend who is laughing right now, inside story.

Off to Kaiser we go. Arrive promptly at 1:45; didn't have to wait too long to be seen I was feeling good about this appointment. No sweat I will be back at work by 3:00. After the normal nurse questions and blood pressure, weigh-in etc. the doctor comes in. (On a side note: My son is 5'9" and wieghs 212 pounds, can you say holy-crap?) Doc asks some questions looks in his eyes, ears, nose etc. only to find................NOTHING!!! My blood is boiling, the wolf boy has struck again, I want to scream. Then the doctor decides, just to be sure lets do a sinus x-ray. Great...so much for being back by 3:00. Wolf boy and I head off to x-ray and what do we have there? A half an hour wait. Lovely...

X-ray done we head back to the docs office to look at the x-ray. What do we find? Just for fun, lets say it together NOTHING!!! and I have just wasted another 45 minutes. Then the doctor asks wolf boy to leave the room for a minute. Hmmm.....what's this about? He starts out with "I don't know your son" (remember that line) and then begins to ask me a bunch of questions. "Has there been any trauma in his life" "Does he have problems at school" and many more along those lines me all the while me answering nothing more than any other teenage boy his age. He then begins to tell me that from his assessment, wolf boy seems to have some social issues, he seems to have a low self-esteem...blah...blah...blah....my man hearing went on at that time. He then asks me if I have ever heard of Asbergers Disease? Oh sure we talk about that every day at work...are you for real? Do I look like I read a medical journal for fun. Moving right along he proceeds to tell me the that Asbergers Disease is a form of autism where children have a problem with social interaction. He asks me to please look it up online and see if any other symptoms apply and call so we can discuss. WOW that was a big word and this is a joke right?

Okay so let's go back to the comment the doctor said that I asked you to remember "I DON'T KNOW YOUR SON" How can he possibly in 10 minutes diagnose such a thing? I don't have a medical license but did it maybe occur to him that he is at that awkward age where things are changing, hormones are raging etc? Why can't that just be that diagnosis? He's a normal teenager going through an awkward time and how do I say this? Because I unlike him I KNOW my son. I was so infuriated when I left there at 4:30, let's count them almost 1-2-3 hours later. Can you say ANNOYING!!!

So here I sit blogging away while WOLF BOY, is busily playing video games, no symptoms in site. Go figure....another $25 and 3 hours down the drain.....oh well tomorrow is another day. Until then....pleasant dreams.

What exactly is "Hot Yoga"?

Before today I could not of answered that question, however, believe me when I say I wish I would have asked alot more people that question before trying it out for myself.

Today, my never ending attempt to get in shape, led me to "hot yoga". Why you ask? I had tried a little WII yoga and it was fun, taking pose on the board with this pleasant lady in the background reminding me to stay balanced. After a couple sessios her incouragement gave me this false confidence that I was ready to move on to the real thing. Ahh ya....

I would have settled for a plain simple "yoga" class, but then my friend, at least I thought she was my friend, told me about her experience with "hot yoga" and how much she loved it so, being the falsely confident WII Yogi, I thought sure why not.

Together, we found a class that was conveniently located for both of us, made a quick trip to Target to buy and mat, set a date and the ball was rolling.

So here we are the big day....the brochure said bring two towels and water and I did. Two towels to wipe my brow and one bottle Costco water. Works for me at the gym why would this be any different? So we arrived at Berkram Yoga 101. Still feeling confident I pranced in with my bottle of water, cool new mat and two towels about the size of a kitchen towel. I should of known in the first five minutes it was time to terminate the mission. Everyone was dressed in barely more than a bathing suit (I had on long yoga pants and a tank top), they not only had two towels they had two beach towels and they had 3 plus bottles of water that were frozen. Did I mention it was 100 degrees in the room? No I am not exagerating. The instructor of course immediately picked out the "newbies" right off he bat and handed us more towels. My confidence was rapidly going out the window as I listened to her explain that the next time (like right) I would definitley want to wear shorts and a short sports bra. HELLO!!! Look at me lady are you kidding. It's bad enough I am crammed in here so tight that when I bend over my butt cheeks are going to brush the forehead of my neighbor, I am pretty sure she is happy I am "covered" up.

And the lesson begins, breathe, breathe, breathe, relax, relax.....are you for real how can I breathe in a 100 degree room AND relax. It was really not going to happen, but I was trying. The sweat was dripping the breaths were breathing and it was not good. 30 minutes in I was hoping for an earthquake just so I could get the you know what out of there. Not only was I dripping sweat, my brain was boiling giving me a splitting headache. Oh and did I mention and I had the pleasure of having right in front of me the gluteous maximus of a 70 year old man in spandex shorts who I kid you not had sweat pouring off him. His big toe was like the bottom of a rain downspout in huge storm....nice. I know I was supposed to be centered on myself and not paying attention but at this point the only thing on my mind was living. I was sure I was going to die. I kept looking at my friend hoping she was going to throw in the towel so I could graciously support her and leave too, but NO she had to keep going. One pose after another I trudged on, taking much needed breaks on my back often watching the clock the whole time hoping and praying that would make it through without passing out.

Somehow I made it through to the end and walked outside to take a breath of fresh air. I can only compare this breath to what I imagine a new born baby feels when they take there first breath of real air. It was heavenly.....almost orgasmic.

As for my friend, she assured me that this was not the experience she had had at her "hot yoga". Lucky for her she had just as miserable a time as I. Had she not we might not be having this conversation.

As I sit here typing I can say whole heartedly "hot yoga" is not for me, but I will continue my pursuit to wellness through yoga and hopefully find a class outside my WII that works for me.

So to answer the question "What exactly is "Hot Yoga"? HELL pure HELL

Ta ta for now....