Just how many versions of the English language are there?

Growing up you were always told you spoke English. As you got older when you were answering questionnaires and they asked you preferred language, without question you checked English. As I have gotten older I have begun to question this. Is there really ONE language that we all speak called English or are there various dialects within our language? I haven’t led a totally sheltered life; I know there have been talks of this so called, what I am assuming is an English dialect called “Ebonics”, but in my small circle of life I never gave any thought to anything else until I became a mother, a wife, a girlfriend and a boss. Now I have found myself wondering just how many “versions” of the English language are there really?

All of you reading this right now are probably thinking I am losing my mind, which I might just be doing that if I haven’t already, I do have a teenager you know. Anywho, let me defend my thought process:

I will start with Tiffany the parent:

I call my daughter and ask her when will you be home? And she responds I am on my way…to me that means I am in my car driving home as we speak. Au contrair mon frair, to a teenager this means the end result is I will be home. Whether it be 5 minutes or 5 hours, I am on my way. It could quite possibly be the next day. Here’s another example, my daughter calls and says “I am around the corner” well my pea brain thinks a block or two away, well like I said before, in English this time, to a teenager this means there is a corner somewhere not necessary the one around our home. Do you get where I am going with this? Another example, your son or daughter asks “Mom I am going to this party, can I please have some money to buy a new outfit” reasonable request? One would think. In the back of my mind, I am thinking $30-$50 for a girl, so you give them a $100 bill or a credit card and give the shopping wisely speech, its all good. Then you get the bill…shopping wisely for who? The Kardashians. For what my daughter thinks is a deal for one pair of jeans, I could buy 2 maybe even 3 outfits. Where did this come from? I never spent like this.

So my advice to future teenage victims…Don’t stop asking questions and make sure you set limits that they understand CAN NOT be broken. I ask “when will you be home” and they say “ I am on my way home”, you say “that’s all fine and dandy but how long til you arrive at our door and give me a hug”; when they say “I am around the corner, you ask “which corner?” I have come to understand that there are A LOT of corners in a teenage mind. Make sure to add the question of when you get around that corner will you be arriving at our home or someone elses? DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS….as much as we love our teenagers they are the masters of manipulation. I am pretty sure if there was an Olympic event for the best manipulators, my daughter would be a quadruple gold medal winner. The sad part is as angry as you get somehow they always end up being right, or at least not wrong, because you didn’t ask enough questions. i.e. my first example when you confront them and say “ I thought you said you were on your way home?” Their response without hesitation will be “I was”. You just lost, because to them if you talk to them at ten in the morning and they say they are on the way home and arrive at ten that night, what’s the problem? All day long in their teenage minds they were in fact “on their way home”. Good luck arguing that one in a court of law, especially in California, I am pretty sure they would win.


Moving right along, as a former wife and current girlfriend, I have come to the hard realization the “men” in itself is an English dialect that women will NEVER understand. To give “them” the benefit of the doubt I will say they will most likely never understand the “women” dialect, however, that is only because they have mastered the art of something called “ignoring” and I don’t care how hard one tries, if someone is ignoring you they are not going to understand you.

Given the fact that I am pretty sure 99.9% of the people reading this are women I am pretty confident that you are all laughing and that I do not need to explain this. However, on the off chance that some MAN stubbles across this blog and actually reads it , let me explain; When we “women” say “dinner is at 6:00” we mean dinner is at precisely that at 6:00. There are no hidden messages, 6:00 is what it is. So if you need a half hour- before dinner to “chill” or whatever you want to call it, don’t show up at 6:00 and be ticked off because you are being rushed to dinner. You knew the schedule…I was, I thought, speaking English…..

64qaaaahy…(this was Darla’s input, she just walked across my keyboard) I am pretty sure her moment of “dog” language on my laptop could be easier understood than any other of these dialects that I speak of.

So now we arrive at Tiffany “the Boss”. Sounds pretty high falootin powerful huh? One would think you would be kinda like EF Hutton, when you spoke everyone listened. Not so much. Apparently from what I can tell “boss” is another English dialect that is completely beyond translation from the “boss” perspective. I recently had an experience whereas at 9:00 in the morning I very specifically asked an employee to do something TODAY, 4 hours later they emailed me asking if they were supposed to start this tomorrow? Are you kidding me? Really? I have looked in the Websters Dictionary and every other dictionary I could find, and as far as I can tell there is no definition of today that can be translated as tomorrow. Today is today, if it be 1:00 am or 12:59 pm on March 5th, it is today and if I want it done today, I want it done within those time perimeters, not tomorrow!! Work with me people….

With much apology, I bid you all ado, this was most definitely a rant out of major frustration of the weeks, lifes events. I hope however, most of you can relate. Thank you for listening. I feel much better.

Tootles, until next time...

Off to a good start...

So far this week I am doing good. I have met my workout goals and have been doing pretty good about eating right. Monday morning I hit the gym with a vengence. A little cardio, alot of weight lifting. Needless to say Tuesday morning I was feeling the results with every movement.

Tuesday was a hectic day. Work was out of control. All day long I tried tirelessly to make up a really good excuse that could talk myself our of Jazzercise that night without feeling like a failure. Luckily I failed and off to Jazzercise I went. So glad I did. Had a great workout and felt great.

I was determined to cook a good healthy meal regardless of the time constraints I was under with Jazzercise ending at 6:45 so I did the prep work before I left and whipped up this yummy healthy meal in 15 minutes when I got home. It's definitely one to share.



Lemony Shrimp with White Beans and Couscous

Ingredients
1 (10-ounce) box couscous (1 1/2 cups)
1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt, divided
4 teaspoons unsalted butter, divided
2 garlic cloves, chopped
4 scallions, chopped
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 (15.5-ounce) can cannellini beans, rinsed
1/2 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Preparation
1. Bring 2 cups water to a boil in a pan. Add couscous and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Remove from heat; cover and let stand 5 minutes. Fluff with a fork.

2. Heat 2 teaspoons butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add garlic and scallions; cook 30 seconds. Add shrimp, and cook, stirring, 3 minutes or until they begin to turn pink.

3. Stir in beans, parsley, lemon juice, remaining butter, remaining 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Cook 2–3 minutes or until heated through. Serve with the couscous

Compliments of Health Magazine

Enoy!